Chapter 4: No Room for Love

Four years for this marriage, I never refuse am before. He get strong needs—except when I dey my period or he travel, we dey together almost every night.

For this house, if I ever talk say I no dey ready, na sickness or period. Otherwise, he dey see my body as his own. I just dey flow, no question.

Before, if he travel for one week, sleep no dey catch me. But that time, I dey happy—because na only for bed I dey feel say he like me.

For day, he dey busy, he hardly smile. But for night, na there I fit feel say I matter.

I dey always fear to make am vex, but for inside room, when we dey together, I dey hope make he vex small—because when he vex, he dey different for bed.

Sometimes, I go pray for small quarrel, so that he go show me that wild side. The thing dey sweet me, even though I dey fear.

One time, after quarrel, I go stay with my best friend for one week, refuse come back house. Later, Ifedike Okafor come Port Harcourt come carry me by himself. That day, for the finest penthouse, he just cold, remove belt, hold me for window as rain dey beat glass—like say nothing fit stop am.

The room get glass wall, rain dey fall outside, but inside, na fire. I remember as he press me, say: "You belong here, Morayo."

I cry tire, voice even crack, but he no stop. At the end, he bite ear talk:

His breath hot for my ear as he whisper: "Morayo, if you try run again, I go finish you for bed. Cry no go help you."

I no go lie, I get small wahala for mind. That his cold, angry face dey always make my heart jump. I like when he dey lose control because of me.

Sometimes I dey ask myself, na love be this or na something wey pass love. The thing dey confuse me.

But now, my body just dead. Everything calm, like water wey no dey move—same as my heart.

Na only ceiling fan dey turn, no breeze for my chest. I just dey look am like stranger.

I struggle free from his hand.

I use all my strength, no fear again. I just want air.

"Ifedike Okafor, make we separate."

The words heavy for my mouth, but na truth. My chest dey shake, but my voice clear.

I look am, my voice calm, then I just laugh at myself. We get pikin already, yet na now I dey talk about separation. Me and Ifedike Okafor, apart from contract, we no even get marriage certificate.

Na so my voice shake small, as I remember say for eyes of law, I be nothing. My pride almost disappear, but I stand my ground.

He shock first, then ask with low voice, "Na because of wetin I talk for media?"

His mouth tight, like person wey swallow bitter leaf.

I wan talk say: no be only that. If na just the public statement, maybe I for find plenty excuse console myself. But he deny our daughter.

Na my pikin own pain pass—if na only me, I go swallow am, but Titi no fit understand.

These days, anytime I close eye, na my daughter confused, hurt face I dey see. I no fit take am.

I see her face everywhere—her small eyes, her cry. The thing dey haunt me for dream.

"Yes."

I no fit talk plenty. My throat just dry.

"You know say na just to handle media wahala."

He try reason am like business. For him mind, na only solution be that.

Ifedike Okafor look me cold. "I too busy. I no get time dey pet you for this kind small matter."

He see am as small thing, but for me, na mountain. He no dey understand, or he no want understand.

I try hold myself, but my hands dey shake. My eyes dey hot, but I no cry.

I press hand for leg, try compose myself. If I cry now, he go think say na joke.

"I no need your petting. I dey serious. That contract fit burn. I just want Titi."

I open my palm, nothing dey inside, but my hope dey ground. I no want any paper again—just my daughter.

I see small mockery for his eye. "You wan use Titi threaten me? You want make I recognize you and Titi for public?"

His mouth twist, like person wey hear bad joke.

"No..."

I shake my head, my hair fall for face. I no even sabi my voice again.

"I don tell you before, e no go happen. At least not for some years. E no possible."

He just cut me off. "Morayo, I fit pamper you for many things, but not this one. No room for talk."

His word final, like judge for court.

He look me down like say I be stranger.

The room cold, but my back dey sweat. I remember old days—how I dey beg God make he just look me once with love. Now, no need again.

Room get AC, but cold just dey enter my bone, my body dey shake.

I wrap my wrapper tighter, but the cold no dey come from weather—na from my heart.

Before marriage, my best friend try advise me small. But I no gree.

She talk, "Morayo, Okafor family no dey play. Are you sure?" But I stubborn—say love fit change anybody. My mama even talk, but I no hear word.

"So what if Ifedike Okafor be stone? One day, water go fit break stone."

I believe say my love fit melt his heart. Four years pass, stone still dey, water don dry.

But now, I dey give up. I wan be free water, no be one drop wey dey trapped for roof forever.

I want make my life flow again, even if e mean say I go start from beginning.

"Think am well tonight. Once you decide, move back."

He waka comot, as if e no concern am. His footsteps echo for corridor, I know say he dey vex.

Ifedike Okafor turn waka comot. The door close with heavy sound, no be like him usual calm self.

Na the first time wey he bang door. I just sigh, hold pillow tight.

I drag cover, close my eyes.

Sleep no come. I dey hear clock tick, generator hum, but my mind dey race. Na God I dey pray to—make tomorrow better.

For this family, girl pikin no dey count. As dem dey talk, na boy carry family name, girl be visitor.

In a few days, Papa Okafor go come back from Abuja. Na him decide for me and Ifedike Okafor that year. As long as he gree, I fit carry Titi go.

Papa Okafor get final say for this house. If he talk yes, nobody fit challenge am. I dey pray say make he return with good heart.

Okafor family no dey value girls. Madam Okafor hardly dey look Titi. She get the daughter-in-law wey she like, so she no send me. Now wey I wan leave with my daughter, na exactly wetin dem want.

All these years, dem dey treat me like visitor—only my smile dey hide my pain. I no blame them, but I no fit beg for love again.