Chapter 2: Block and Bullet Wahala
The moment I block Tobi, na so bullet comments begin scatter everywhere like market women for Oshodi. E be like say everybody dey use my wahala catch cruise. My ears dey ring as if I dey inside noisy bar.
[Wait, I dey see well? Why the main babe block the main guy? No be now she suppose run go beg am, dey cry make e no leave am?]
[Chai, see as the main guy go dey refresh phone anyhow now, dey wait for her message. The guy world don scatter.]
[I feel say the main babe dey too much. The guy just wan test am, but she block am and even post shade for status...]
[True talk, when she see the main guy with the other babe, she go calm down.]
Sometimes e be like say this world na reality show, and na my own heartbreak dem dey use do season finale. The thing dey funny and pain me at the same time.
But it’s not hard to guess the main guy and main babe na me and Tobi. Everybody for campus sabi our gist. From the porters to the food sellers for Awo Hall, e no get who no fit decode.
Sometimes I dey wonder whether people dey chop breakfast for their own life reach this level. Abi na only me get wahala for love?
Tobi na the one wey announce relationship and break him promise, but na me suppose dey run dey beg?
The thing weak me. For Naija, dem go always expect woman to beg, to tolerate. But me—mba, e no go work.
My mind still dey soft for am. If say love na exam, I go carry first for this matter. But my sincerity no be excuse for am to dey test me.
I no be lab rat. Na human being I be, with feelings, not guinea pig for person emotional experiment.
Just few days ago, I still dey ask am with excitement which clothes go fit me for my birthday. I dey send am picture of my new ankara, dey hope say e go talk make I wear yellow or blue. But na only blue tick I dey see. Our chat window na only my green messages full am. The thing resemble when you dey try hail keke for hot sun—nobody dey answer you.
Sometimes I go check network, dey blame Glo or MTN for slow reply. But the truth dey clear.
I dey always give excuse for am, say maybe him supervisor dey stress am or say lab dey collect all him time. But na lie. Deep down, I sabi.
Now, as I dey think am, e just be like joke wey no get punchline. Two years of steady cruise. Na wa.
Dem dey talk say if na me, I dey use sense. But when love catch you, even sense dey hide. If I like person, I go all out. If disappointment don plenty, I go waka without looking back.
Once my mind clear, na bye bye. I no dey look back, I no dey count cost. My mama dey always talk say na my stubbornness dey save me sometimes.
By now, plenty friends don send me screenshots of Tobi’s status, dey ask wetin happen. Some even dey ask wetin my post mean, dey find gist. My phone hot with screenshot and voice note. Na so people dey rush gist. Everybody wan chop amebo.
I no even get energy to dey explain myself. If na before, I for dey type long message. Now—mba.
That my status, na impulse I take post am. E just burst from my chest. Sometimes, na only that kain raw honesty fit give person peace.
Now, I no even get mind to delete am. Let the status dey there. If e pepper anybody, make dem drink water. If e pain you, abeg, go lick TomTom.
Whatever Tobi think when he see am—I no send again. E fit dey boil, e fit dey laugh, na im wahala. If e pain am, make e call police. If e dey vex, e fit go report for student union president.
I just tap the power button. Darkness. Peace.
I balance for my bed, carry my big Oxford dictionary. Na this kain time you go know say reading fit dey sweet like chilled zobo for hot afternoon.
Even as my chest dey heavy, I just clear throat, carry book. Na small pride, but e dey help me waka pass this kain palava. Too much emotional wahala just dey make person throat tight. But I lock up, no give sadness chance. Book no dey break heart.