Chapter 3: Ghost in the Frame

I open all the videos wey I record before, the real truth just dey my front.

The light from the phone dey shine for my dark room, scatter shadows for wall. Na so secrets dey expose person, like NEPA when dem flash light for okada rider night time.

Seven years relationship na just big joke.

The reality choke me. Bitterness dey my tongue like burnt akara.

Tunde never do birthday with me even once.

I dey scroll old pictures—na only Morayo I dey see for every celebration. All my own, dem hide me like last born for compound.

Even the first time him perform, as I dey promote am day and night till I taya, all I hear na:

"Morayo, thank you for your hard work."

I remember how I dey run up and down, buy food, make connections, all for him sake. My name na ghost for him mouth. Even when dem dey share food, na only my shadow dey chop.

Even for bed, as him dey on top me, dey call my name with passion, na still "Morayo" him dey shout.

I dey freeze every time, but no person know wetin dey happen for closed door. If na Nollywood, e go make sense. But my own pain real, e dey cut like blade.

Him no dey hold back; even when him dey hurt me, as I dey use sign language beg am, e no dey work.

Sometimes I dey pray make hand sign go magically enter him head, make he see my pain. But no, he dey lost inside another person name.

After, him go just look me, face like say him innocent, talk:

[No vex, your hand dey shake, brother no understand.]

He dey act like pikin wey no fit talk true for front of mama.

But lately, him go dey use sign language ask me if e dey pain me.

I never see am soft like that before.

Now I understand why.

Him talk say: "Just dey use this small deaf girl practice. Morayo soft, I no fit let her suffer."

All those soft touches na rehearsal for better love. I just dey hear my heart dey break, one small small piece at a time.

My chest just dey pain me, tears dey fall.

How person go wicked like this?

I dey remember the time I dey pray for am, dey save money for him studio sessions. Me wey dey do everything for him, na still me dey suffer.

When him break from Tunde family, no get anything, dey chase music dream,

the person wey leave am run UK na Morayo.

Everybody dey praise Morayo, but na me dey share eba and garri with am, dey comfort am for one room self-con in Ojuelegba.

The person wey stay, suffer with am, from nothing reach all the awards, na me.

My phone light up.

Na doctor message.

[Ms. Olamide, you sure say you wan stop treatment abroad?]

[You don endure cochlear implant surgery before. To stop now na real pity o.]

I wipe my tears reply:

[I go go.]

I no want Tunde again.

The day to travel na next week.

Just happen say na the same day Tunde wan propose for him concert.

......

That night, Tunde no come house.

The silence loud, like say generator off for midnight and you dey wait for NEPA to return.

I get message from Morayo:

[Sis, no wait again. Tunde dey press keyboard, fingers dey run like say na jollof rice e dey serve. I tell am say my insomnia don cure, but him no gree—say him must watch me sleep before him go.]

[You see, after seven years, how e take still dey remember everything?]

For the picture, for the woman fair, bare shoulder,

Tunde dey press keyboard, fingers dey run like say na jollof rice e dey serve.

Him wear black T-shirt and one old silver chain.

That fine, cold face, under the warm yellow lamp, just soft well.

Him long fingers dey dance for keyboard like say na woman body him dey touch.

Morayo still dey show herself:

[Na so. If him see say I dey press phone, him go vex.]

She dey rub pepper for my wound, no pity.

After all these years, she still no fit see me dey happy.

But I no even want drag with her again.

Tunde don spoil finish for my eye. I no want am.

I think of all the times I fight to fit in, only to dey reminded say I be outsider. The fight don tire me.

[Oh, by the way, you want this one? Pity yourself, beg me—maybe I go give you.]

[laugh.JPG]

As I see the photo wey she send, my eye just shrink. Na so jealousy dey bite me, sharp like pepper for eye.

Jealousy and pain mix for my stomach. I swallow hard, delete the picture, but the image remain for my mind like old juju.