Chapter 4: Birthday Hope and Bukka Plans

For aunty house, she prepare separate room for me. Snacks and the phone wey she buy for me dey for bedside.

The room fresh, pink bedsheet, cartoon pillow. She even put small torchlight for night, incase NEPA do their usual wahala.

That phone, na aunty dash me when I enter city key secondary school three years ago. She help me open WhatsApp, so I no go dey odd for class—no be like before for junior secondary wey I no get WhatsApp or Facebook.

I remember that day, she hug me, tell me say: "No let anybody make you feel small." Na from there I begin get small confidence for class.

Aunty notice say I dey dull, she carry me sit down beside her:

Her wrapper soft for my arm, her skin cool. She rub my back small, her voice soft like night breeze for village.

"Amara, tomorrow I go carry you and Titi go cinema. Then, fourth day of New Year na your birthday. I go carry you go Mama Kemi's bukka, you hear?"

She tickle me small, her smile wide. My eyes open, hope dey return for my chest.

To chop birthday for Mama Kemi's bukka?

Na dream be that.

That bukka na legendary, their jollof rice dey win award for church bazaar. All my friends dey talk am.

"Aunty, I fit invite two friends?"

I dey hope, dey beg with my eyes. I never celebrate birthday with friends since I enter SS1.

"No wahala."

She no even blink. Her trust for me dey different. My spirit rise like bread for oven.

As aunty gree, happiness just wipe all my sadness. At last, I get something to look forward to for my 18th birthday. But I still dey fear: "Aunty, mama go gree so?"

My voice small, almost vanish. I dey remember mama face whenever I ask for outing.

"She no get choice—na your 18th birthday..." Aunty pause, look me with pity. "I don send five thousand naira for your mobile money. Mama no know. If you wan use am buy data or small gift, use am—just no dey play till midnight, abeg."

I blink, the money enter phone sharp-sharp. I smile, hug her quick. I feel grown.

Aunty lock door for me. I hug my phone, curl up inside warm wrapper, I no even wan sleep.

I dey type thank you message for her, but the words no fit reach my real gratitude. Na only God fit reward aunty.

This small freedom tonight sweet me. I dey thank aunty from my heart.

My body dey light like say breeze wan carry me. I wish say I fit repay aunty kindness one day.

Even though she and mama be real sisters, their character different well. Aunty get sense, dey enjoy, dey independent. Even after she marry and get pikin, she still dey travel alone every year. She dey live her life bold. Mama no fit control her—self dey fear her small.

The way aunty dey carry herself dey inspire me. Sometimes she fit just pack bag go Ibadan, snap picture for garden, come back dey gist mama. I dey wish say I fit bold like her one day.

Anytime aunty see mama, she dey advise her make she no just dey house because of me, make she find work or something wey go make her happy. She dey talk am with sense, sometimes e dey even shake mama mind. Na why mama no dey like make I follow aunty—she dey fear say aunty go spoil me.

I remember once aunty say, "Sister, this your own wahala too much. Enjoy small. Make you no old finish before you realize say life na one."

But me, I believe say aunty dey right: "You dey study for yourself. If Amara understand that one, you no need dey monitor her every time. If she no gree, even if you worry reach 25 hours a day, e no go change anything."

Sometimes I dey talk this one inside my mind, just to encourage myself make I no break.

Me, I understand why I dey study, I really like to learn. So from primary school reach now for SS3, every holiday, every weekend, I dey go one lesson or the other.

Na so my life be, routine upon routine, but I dey proud of my result. For my heart, I just dey pray say e go pay one day, make mama finally happy.

All the hard work pay—my result always dey among the best. But mama never dey satisfied.

I no fit remember last time wey she praise me with her full chest. Na only correction, only wahala.

If I do well, she go still find mistake, dey scold me say I too careless.

If I no do well, like this time, from the day she see result, she go begin nag, repeat am tire, come even disgrace me for New Year's Eve.

Any small slip, she fit turn am to campaign matter. Sometimes, I dey wish say I go get small peace.

She get habit to talk me down, just to show say na she dey in charge.

Her own way of love na control. She no sabi encouragement. If she no fit command, her day no complete.

She believe say I suppose dey worship her, dey obey, dey thank am, because she dey show me endless mother love: "Amara, nobody for this world love you pass mama."

True, but at the same time, nobody suffocate me pass mama. Her control just full everywhere—body and mind.

Sometimes e be like say I dey carry invisible yoke, heavy for neck, no break.

If no be say aunty appear save me, I for don choke for this her own kind love tonight.

The way aunty show up, na like guardian angel. I go thank her till I old.