Chapter 7: Boundaries

My heart shake, I just dey lost.

E be like say rain just start for my chest. My head dey swirl, my feet dey weak. I hold wall, breathe in and out.

He stand up, tall body cover me.

For that moment, e be like say shadow dey swallow light. He tall well, presence heavy. My heart dey beat anyhow.

My heart dey race, mind full of the things I see for that booklet, breath hang for throat.

The memory of that booklet dey run round my mind. My chest dey shake. The air thick, I dey pray make time move fast.

After small time, Musa turn waka go door.

He no talk, just waka silent, like spirit for harmattan night. His back strong, even as e dey limp small.

Night breeze blow enter, na so I clear for my mind.

Cold air enter room, my eye open. I realize say I dey alone, my mind begin settle.

He don disappear for darkness.

The door small creak, no more sound. Only me, my wrapper, and my thoughts.

I reason for myself:

I sit for chair, shake my leg. I dey think—maybe na my body dey too much for am. Or maybe e just dey shy. I no sure.

Just now, as he look me, his eyes shock.

That look—fear, surprise, something else I no fit name. Na like he dey fight with himself.

Fit be say I scare am with my…?

Maybe na this my body dey do too much. I sigh, begin plan how to dey cover myself better.

Before I sleep, I talk say tomorrow, I go bind my chest tighter.

I arrange wrapper, tie scarf, swear say tomorrow I go use double cloth, make nothing show at all.

I never sleep finish, Musa come back.

I hear door open soft. His step no loud. I pretend say I dey sleep, but I dey peep small.

Water dey drip from his hair.

I smell soap, see drops for his neck. Na fresh bath he go take, maybe for backyard tap.

So na bath he go bath.

Even though night cold, e still go bath. My mind dey wonder if na because of me.

Next morning, I wake up, he don go.

I wake, see empty chair. Only faint scent of balm remain. My body cold, but my mind dey try reset.

Maid, Sade, come help me dress. Outside, I hear man dey sneeze non-stop.

Sade adjust my gele, dey talk, "Madam, you dey hear so? Na General Musa dey sneeze since morning."

Matron ask am, “General, why you no call me make I boil water for your bath last night? Even though na dry season, night still dey cold. See as you catch cold from cold bath. I go make ginger tea for you.”

Matron voice carry worry, as she pour hot water for cup. "General, abeg next time call us. Night breeze no good for soldier wey just heal."

I look Sade, ask, “General like cold bath?”

Sade purse mouth, shake head. "I never see am do am before, madam. Maybe na new habit."

“I no know, madam.”

She adjust my wrapper, her eye dey study me. I feel her curiosity.

I tell her make she go, lock door.

"Go help Mama Musa, abeg." I lock door, stand for mirror, reason myself.

I begin bind my chest again and again.

I use thick scarf, tie round and round. My breath dey short, but I no mind. Na for my own peace.

Nowadays, women dey like slim, but me, body full everywhere.

For our side, na slim girl dey reign. But my own, everywhere dey show. I sigh, arrange wrapper make e fit well.

If General no like am, e no too bad.

I talk for mind, "I go still do my duty, no wahala." At least, I no go shame Aunty.