Chapter 4: Lights Out, Lines Crossed

9

Brother Caleb saved me!

I jumped off the bed, grabbed his towel and ran to the bathroom.

I nearly tripped over Derek's manga pile, but made it in one piece.

Just as I opened the door, a "bang" sounded overhead.

The bathroom light suddenly went out.

As the campus bad boy, I have an embarrassing secret...I'm afraid of the dark.

So when darkness fell, I instinctively grabbed Caleb.

My hand shot out, clutching the nearest warm thing I could find. I barely managed to keep my voice steady.

"What was that sound?!"

Lin, who came to get water, heard the noise and knocked on the door.

He sounded worried, peeking through the crack.

"Probably a short circuit here, can you guys go out and check."

Caleb spoke calmly.

His voice was a grounding force, calm and steady, even in pitch black.

"Oh, okay."

Lin turned off the tap and went outside.

The bathroom wasn't big.

The tiles were cool, a little gritty from the non-slip surface, towels still damp from earlier showers.

It smelled faintly of lavender soap and aftershave. The tiles felt cool under my bare feet.

In the dark, Caleb and I were almost chest to back, standing together.

I could hear his breathing, steady and deep. My heart hammered against my ribs.

Such a close distance, just like last time with him...

Pah, pah, pah.

What am I thinking?

I slapped my own cheeks, desperate to clear my head.

To ease my sudden embarrassment and awkwardness, I started rambling.

"At critical times, Lin is reliable, unlike Derek, who just grins all day."

I tried to laugh, hoping it would cover the awkwardness.

"Mm."

For some reason, Caleb's breathing grew heavier.

It was subtle, but I could hear the change, his chest rising and falling faster.

I thought he was hot standing with me, so I stepped forward to put some distance.

But as soon as I moved, I slipped, only saved by his quick catch.

His arm shot out, gripping my elbow before I hit the floor.

Still shaken, I fumbled for his arm again.

My fingers curled around his forearm, needing something solid.

This time, Caleb took a deep breath:

"...Marcus."

The way he said my name made me shiver.

Crap, he's probably annoyed now.

Hearing his strained voice, I tentatively spoke:

"I know you're in a hurry, but don't rush."

I tried to sound chill, but my nerves showed.

"Lin likes tinkering with electronics, he'll fix the light soon—"

Before I finished, the light came back on.

The sudden brightness made me squint. For a second, everything was too sharp, too clear.

Then I noticed Caleb was looking at me strangely.

His eyes lingered, a flicker of something unreadable in his gaze.

A sense of doom rose, I glanced down where he was looking.

Crap!

I realized I'd grabbed him... not exactly where I'd intended. My face went beet red.

What I grabbed wasn't his hand, it was...

Not wanting him to think I'm a pervert, I quickly stepped back and explained:

"I just have poor balance, needed support, don't overthink!"

I waved my hands, desperate to erase the awkwardness.

He kept his eyes down, unreadable, as if skipping the topic.

Just said lightly: "Pretty white."

I froze.

My brain scrambled, trying to decode his words.

"The tiles are gray, where's white?"

I blurted, half-panicked.

"I mean the light."

He glanced up at the LED and actually shielded his eyes with one hand, then took the towel and wrapped it around his waist.

I let out a shaky breath, relieved but still embarrassed. My knees wobbled, heart racing.

Even after Caleb left the bathroom, my head was spinning.

He meant the light.

But why was he looking at my legs?

I stared at my own pale calves, wondering if I'd missed a spot shaving. This day couldn't get any weirder.

10

After lights out, I was about to sleep when Derek whispered from the upper bunk:

"Marcus, are you asleep?"

His voice was barely a whisper, but somehow still annoying.

Caleb's breathing came from across the beds, Lin was sprawled sleeping.

Why is he talking at midnight?

I turned over, annoyed, looking at him.

My pillow was lumpy, and I just wanted five minutes of peace.

"What do you think? Spit it out."

He leaned over, secretively covering his mouth:

"Just wanted to ask...you and Caleb in there...hehe."

Damn, always brings up the worst topics.

"Are you sick?"

I kicked him: "What's in your head all day."

"What are you thinking?" He hugged his legs, glaring, "I'm asking if you saw my new bath towel."

He lit his phone, showing me: "This is my wife Rem's collab, cute right?" (Rem—from Re:Zero.)

He flashed a cartoon character, grinning like a little kid.

"Go, go, sleep."

I wanted to hit him, but he dropped his phone on my teeth.

"You doing this on purpose?"

I covered my face, weakly sat up, threw the phone back, and noticed Caleb was watching me thoughtfully.

His face always indifferent.

But under the faint screen glow, he looked especially captivating.

My heart skipped a beat: "You..."

But in a blink, he closed his eyes again.

I froze, clueless.

...Maybe he heard Derek's words and was mad at me?

I worried that I'd crossed a line, but couldn't figure out where.

But two guys touching is nothing.

I pursed my lips, sulking back under the covers.

I buried my face in my pillow, hoping sleep would come quick.

Maybe it was Derek's nonsense,

That night, I was haunted by sleep paralysis.

Stiff sheets, AC humming through the vent, phone face-down still glowing a little—then my hands went pins-and-needles as the heaviness pinned me.

I tossed and turned, dreams swirling with strange faces and garbled voices.

A glitchy mascot with Derek's face had me respawn as a groundhog in a drought.

He ordered me to sing nonsense for a thousand lines to return to reality.

I sang tearfully, but felt suffocated, my fingers numb.

Parched to near suffocation, someone bent down and gave me water.

A cool hand pressed a cup to my lips, easing the ache.

I couldn't see his face, but smelled his fresh shower scent.

The hint of soap and shampoo made my heart skip.

His touch soothed all my thirst.

.......

When I woke, I sat in bed, lost in thought.

Sunlight filtered through the blinds, casting stripes on my sheets. My chest felt tight, like I'd run a mile.

If I'm not mistaken.

The muscular lines of the man in my dream.

Were exactly Caleb's.

My cheeks burned, and I covered my face, wishing I could forget the dream.

11

After that night, I felt something was off.

The air between us had shifted, charged with something electric. Even brushing hands in the hallway made my skin tingle.

Before, I'd often have physical contact with Caleb.

We'd bump shoulders at lunch, trade jackets, play fight during movie nights.

But now, just his finger brushing my hand when passing me a Coke gave me goosebumps.

I nearly dropped the can, my whole body on edge.

"Wrong step."

He casually braced his arm at my waist, pointing at my software interface.

His hand was warm, firm. I tried not to flinch.

"Ah? Oh, oh."

Only then did I realize I'd been unconsciously moving the mouse, making several rookie mistakes in modeling.

My cheeks went hot, realizing I'd botched the assignment.

So embarrassing.

My thoughts were a mess, even typing I kept hitting the wrong keys.

My brain was a tornado of nonsense, nothing making sense.

Caleb sighed, pressed undo:

"I'll teach you."

He lowered his eyes, quickly pointed out my key issues, and concisely re-explained the workflow.

He walked me through Revit families, Rhino surfaces, and why my SketchUp export kept nuking the textures, while tapping his pen in that calm, TA energy way I’d never noticed in the guy who rolled his eyes at crowds.

No wonder he got in as top scorer.

I listened intently, but the heat from his waist distracted me.

There was AC in the library cubicle, so why was his skin so hot?

I wanted to lean in, just to test if it was real.

"...That's about it, remember?"

Caleb's voice snapped me out of my daze.

I forced a laugh: "Of course, piece of cake."

"Then repeat it."

My smile collapsed.

I wracked my brain, desperate to recall his steps. The pressure made my palms sweat.

Caleb pushed his glasses, sounding helpless.

He looked more like a grad student than ever, and I couldn't help but stare.

"Marcus, you're not focused."

Lin at the next table stuffed a burger in his mouth, looking disappointed:

"Marcus, Caleb is teaching you personally, and you're not making the most of it?"

He wiped ketchup off his cheek, eyes wide.

"He's the man I couldn't bribe with three Chick-fil-A meals! I even promised extra Polynesian sauce!"

Lin waved his wrapper, still chewing.

"I'm mad, it's unfair!"

"Go away, don't make a scene, or I'll call Tanya to smash your mouth."

I threatened him, remembering Tanya's reputation for smacking idiots.

Derek slurped ice cream, adjusting his imaginary bun:

"Don't ask, Marcus's status with Caleb, you can't compare!"

He grinned, stacking his notes like royalty, more Real Housewives than royal court.

His exaggerated act must be from binge-watching reality TV.

I was about to tell him to shut up, when I saw Caleb, who usually ignored them, actually nod.

"Mm."

What does he mean by mm???

I turned to look at him, forgetting how close we were, my cheek brushing his nose.

The scent of his cologne filled my nose. I froze, not daring to move.

For a moment, my brain crashed.

The world shrank to just the two of us, the buzz of the library fading.

He swallowed, breathing hot:

"I'll send you the key points in writing."

His voice was shaky, softer than usual.

"...Okay."

Before I could speak, he quickly moved away, sitting beside Lin.

He retreated, posture stiff. His fingers fidgeted with the mouse.

His long fingers gripped the mouse tightly, as if restraining something.

"Marcus, why is your face suddenly so red?"

Derek looked up from the mountain of notes, suspiciously staring at me.

He squinted, eyebrow raised, always ready to tease.

"Mind your own business, it's just hot! Not talking details, dude."

I glared, but my heart sank.

Caleb suddenly sitting far away.

Could he be regretting "hiring" me?

I worried that I'd pushed him too far, or that he was sick of my drama.

12

After more than a month, Caleb's wound was mostly healed.

His bandage was off, the stitches gone. He flexed his hand, testing the strength.

During my time as his shield, no girl came to him.

Even the most persistent admirers had moved on, their attention shifting to the next soccer captain or TikTok star.

Realizing I didn't need to follow him around, I started avoiding him on purpose.

I made excuses about extra assignments, group meetings, anything to dodge spending too much time together—and because I couldn’t untangle arousal from affection or the fear of outing from the low-key thrill of being seen.

Before, we'd go to class and eat together.

We'd sit side by side at the dining hall, trading fries and gossip. Now, I hid out in the library more often, headphones on.

Now I made excuses to avoid him, secretly asking Lin to bring me food.

Lin played messenger, dropping off takeout with a knowing wink.

After a week of this, he finally complained:

"Look at you, eating like a thief, did Caleb fight with you?"

He watched me devour a burger in the stairwell, shaking his head.

My chewing froze.

Strictly speaking, it wasn't really because of Caleb.

Since that library day, I kept dreaming.

I tossed and turned at night, dreams swirling with images of Caleb. Sometimes we'd talk, sometimes... more.

Compared to before, the man in my dreams now completely looked like Caleb.

His voice, his hands, even the way he smiled. My cheeks burned every morning.

These words were too embarrassing to tell him, so I made excuses about not wanting to be too high-profile.

I joked that I was avoiding paparazzi, but really I just didn't know how to face him.

"I know you're helping Caleb, but you don't even group with him for market research, instead picking Derek?"

Lin sounded suspicious, as if he was piecing together a conspiracy theory.

He sounded more certain, "No, you two definitely fought."

Under his questioning, I had to ask indirectly:

I looked down at my sneakers, voice small.

"Don't you think, me and him...uh, I mean, two guys being too close is weird?"

Lin shrugged, unfazed.

"If it were others, maybe I'd mind, but you two—"

He frowned, searching for words, "You two have that vibe, kind of a good match."

I was shocked: "Don't say that, how could we be a good match?"

My voice cracked, hands shaking. I was more nervous than before a big test.

"He can't explain, let me," Derek finished a game and took off his headphones, "You don't even realize, yesterday Caleb got a bit close and your face turned red like a girl touching a man's hand for the first time."

I was, I was just hot!" I hurried to cover, "How could I blush at him, I'm not gay."

I wiped my forehead, wishing my skin would chill out.

"But the way he looks at you is different from us."

"Derek's right," Lin joined seriously, "When Caleb looks at us, it's like trash, but with you, it's gentle as water, cough, cough."

What an absurd guess!

I felt my face flush, but couldn't stop myself from imagining what it would be like if he did look at me that way.

Yesterday he acted like he couldn't get away from me fast enough.

I waved my hands to refute: "No way, stop joking, how could he like me?"

"What if I say yes."

Turning around, Caleb was suddenly behind me, looking deeply at me.