Chapter 3: The Weight of Senior Bala

My name na Bala Lawal, from the saying 'No matter how sparrow fly, sky still wide for everybody.'"

I still dey hear the way he talk am, voice steady, smile for mouth, eyes dey far. Na the kind poetry wey you no fit forget. The first time I meet Senior Bala, na this him poetic introduction remain for my mind.

E be like say he carry the sky for him heart. Na person wey go quote proverb for hot afternoon, just to calm people.

For the end of his story, he really give everything, fly go sky.

The memory dey heavy. The day everything scatter, I no fit sleep. I dey remember every word, every move.

Before everything spoil, Senior Bala always gentle and sure of himself.

He dey walk slow, but brain dey work fast. Even when wahala show, he dey gentle, no dey panic.

We meet for undergrad, go the same school for undergrad and PhD, eight years we dey know each other.

He dey always look out for me, small or big matter. For hostel, for class, anywhere.

He study chemistry. Even though our course different, he help me well.

Sometimes, he go solve my hostel light wahala, other times na food problem. Even my assignment, he go help check.

When flu dey everywhere, I get fever alone for hostel, na him carry me go school clinic, stay with me all night.

He no sleep, just dey check my head, dey buy me Lucozade and Gala. Na that night I know say him get good heart.

Second year of my PhD, Senior Bala papa fall sick—na only person wey remain for him family. Since then, if e no dey lab, e dey hospital.

Him eye red those days, but he no complain. Sometimes, I go see am dey pray alone for mosque.

I no fit count how many times he wan borrow money before he finally talk.

E dey shy, always dey hope say e fit solve things alone. But one day, e corner me for corridor.

When he ask, shame full him eye.

Voice low, hand for pocket. I just pat am for back, say no wahala.

I try act like e no mean anything, no wan add wahala to him already heavy mind.

I joke, say money wey dey go bank no dey miss, make e collect am with joy.

"For undergrad, I make sharp money tutor maths competition students. Senior, no dey do like stranger, na easy money, like say breeze blow am come."

I dey smile as I dey talk. I wan make am feel like na normal thing, no big deal.

Truth be say, I ask my mama for 30,000 naira, explain the matter, gather 100,000 naira give am.

I go home, beg my mama, explain say na urgent help. She grumble, but she give me.

I really make money before, but I no dey save, so I fear if he know say I ask my family, e go dey rush pay back.

I just tell am say na my old savings. I no wan make am feel like burden.

But things no go as we plan. Senior Bala no fit graduate for him third year, and last year, he lose him papa.

Na double wahala. After the funeral, he no too dey smile again.

Second-to-last time I see am, na when he come pay back the money, even add small interest. I collect am.

I try reject the interest, but he insist. E say, "Dayo, no vex, e mean plenty to me."

As I take the money sharp sharp, no argue, he relax, say: "You get one month remain to graduate. That one good."

I smile, but I see the pain for him eye. E be like say, na farewell speech.

I think say we protect him dignity together, but na goodbye be that.

For my mind, I dey hope say he go survive the wahala, but the world no dey play fair.

I fit sense say him PhD wahala too much, but na from 176-page complaint letter I really know wetin he pass.

The letter shock me. Page upon page, e dey explain every pain, every injustice. Tears almost drop for my eye as I read am.

One rare cool rainy morning, last night rain make everywhere chill, and bring his supervisor Dr. Odu from busy schedule come office.

The kind cold wey dey touch bone. Everybody wear sweater, the whole campus quiet. Na the morning wey everything change.

He already reach fourth year, after the supervisor last talk, e tell am to stay one more year.

He don tire, but e no get choice. Supervisor just dey use am anyhow.

One lab junior message me:

"Ifedayo, Senior Bala carry knife go oga office, cut himself, run go roof. I try stop am, no work. Abeg, you close to am, come talk to am."

My hand shake as I see the message. I grab phone, rush out. For my mind, I dey pray say I go reach on time.

I dey cafeteria near their lab. I run go, use all my small strength.

Stomach dey twist, leg dey heavy. I dey jump two stairs at once.

Stairs reach last floor, I enter rooftop. Senior Bala dey sit edge, blood for him arm. Lab juniors dey, but nobody fit near.

Wind dey blow, cold like Benue river water for December. Rain dey threaten, sky dark. He dey look down, hand steady, but blood still dey drip.

My voice dey shake: "Senior Bala, abeg, no move. If you get complaint, we fit report to school. Everything go better after graduation, even if you no graduate, e no bad reach like this."

I dey beg with all my heart. My mouth dey dry, but I just dey talk, dey hope say him go listen.

Senior Bala look him watch, blood still dey drop, but him voice soft as ever:

E no shout, e no panic. E just dey speak like person wey don already accept.

"Ifedayo, me and you no be the same. Dr. Odu dey treat me like houseboy. I beg am make I graduate, say my papa sick, I need work."

He look me, eyes red but clear. Na pain and peace mix together.

"He gree, but when graduation reach, he say lab need me, make I stay extra year, dey pay me 8,000 naira per month to dey do research."

He laugh small: "8,000 naira, e no even reach money for him pikin to buy shoe."

I for laugh, but my chest dey pain.

"I don find job, but he no let me go."

He shake head, bitter smile. Sun small dey break through cloud.

"I no understand, why he no let me graduate? Four years PhD, I write paper for am first, then for him useless son, na after dem chop all finish I fit publish my own."

He voice dey tremble, hand dey grip the ledge.

"Na me write CV for him son to apply foreign lab. Even when remote for their house need battery, na me dem dey call."

He try joke, but I see the pain behind the joke.

"You na maths student. If you no fit cope, you fit move go computer science or finance, everywhere dey open for you."

He dey envy my escape route. E true, for chemistry, no road.

"Me, I no get road. If direct PhD no fit graduate, I no go even get masters. Wetin 28-year-old chemistry undergrad wan do? Become security?"

He look me, question dey hang for air. The wind strong, my heart dey shake. I no get answer. The pain deep, the sky wide.