Chapter 6: Office Drama Reloaded

“No rules, no respect. Company dey provide drinks for meeting, but you go order zobo on your own, come scatter the meeting. You think say na your university group work?”

I stand up, voice rise, give her small lecture. Everybody for corridor begin walk pass slow, dey peep inside. Na Naija style—where gist dey, people dey form busy.

“You just enter oga office anyhow. If I know say na so you take work, I for no even employ you. If you no wan work, abeg resign.”

My voice firm, but my body dey shake inside. I no wan give her chance gather sympathy.

Halima Musa face red like boiled crayfish:

You for see as her skin change, eyes red, mouth dey tremble. For my mind, I dey pity am small, but I remember say na this kain pity dey cause wahala.

I wan play good person, since to sack her now no dey my plan:

I take deep breath, adjust tie, dey look her as if e no pain me.

But Halima Musa quickly apologise:

She drop voice, “Sorry, MD Tunde. Na my fault. I no go do am again. I really need this job.” Her voice low, like JSS2 student wey dem catch for stealing meat.

She wipe her face, waka go.

Her shoe dey clap for tile as she dey waka out. E pain me, but e necessary.

Wait, Halima Musa no even make noise?

I surprise. She no post am online? This one different.

I reason am, then send my assistant back to work:

I wave hand, make everybody face their file. For this life, na only strong people dey survive Lagos office.

I remember say after my disgrace online last life, dem even dig Halima Musa account:

Na so dem dey do for Naija. Small mistake, your whole history go land for WhatsApp group. Nobody safe for internet.

Her work record, when dem twist am, really make am look like say I dey do bad thing with her.

Her post dey form victim, dey gather pity. Dem dey yarn say na me use office power dey oppress intern. Dem no hear my side.

I quickly search the username “Small Halima is Musa” and find one account with over one thousand followers:

I press phone sharp sharp, type the username. IG page dey pop with meme, funny videos, and all her Gen Z lingo. She sabi use hashtags die.

The latest video just drop one minute ago:

I see notification—she no dey waste time. She dey act like influencer, not intern.

“The second diary of a Gen Z making easy money: ordering zobo.”

She dey dance for video, shake bottle, dey act like say she dey teach people how to hustle. Na so wahala start. She even use Odumodu Black song for background—everybody dey comment fire emoji.

“I don try am o, make una no copy me. All these old-school companies no dey gree, dem even minus my pay. Wahala no dey finish, but I no go resign. Next step, I go confess to oga.”

She dey drop code for her fans. "Make una watch out, next episode go hot."

“Stay tuned! After I confess, oga no go fit give me work again. I go win las las. Another small workplace hack for una.”

She dey wink, dey pose, dey laugh for end. She even use trending sound for background.

As I watch, my eyebrow fit kill fly:

I shake head, sip water, try calm my mind. Person fit get hypertension for Lagos like this.

By night, her account don get over five thousand followers.

Na so notification dey pop for her page. Her fans dey drop fire emoji, dey hail her as "Gen Z Queen".

The video get over ten thousand likes.

Even people from other companies dey comment, dey relate their own wahala. E be like support group for rebellious interns.

So na so she plan to use office take blow for social media.

I realize say na content creation she dey use us do. Na our office she wan use build brand.

For her mind, the only thing she fit lose na time, worst case na sack.

She dey play chess, we dey play draught. Her plan na to win by any means.

Nonsense. I go make sure she chop the fruit of her own wahala. She go chop her own pepper soup—no be only me go feel am.

I adjust chair, dey plan my own move. This time, she go know say two can play this game.