Chapter 1: Wahala for Paradise

Imagine say you get one fine villa for Banana Island wey dey face lagoon, over 400 square meters, everything for inside na correct, plus two parking space—no be dream be that?

Na real soft life na, who no go wan get that kind house? With those glass windows, imported tiles, air conditioner wey dey blow cold like London, and if e reach December, the harmattan breeze go just dey sweet you. Even your neighbours na big men: senators, oil people, one or two small musicians. For Naija, na only few fit get that kind comfort, so if you get am, na blessing you suppose dey count.

But for Mrs. Campbell, this same house na real wahala. Some people dey talk say money no dey buy peace. Mrs. Campbell eye see shege for that mansion. Where people dey wish to spend weekend, na there she dey wish to escape. Every corner wey suppose dey shine just dey carry tension for her mind. Sometimes, na so life be for Lagos—you fit get everything but still dey restless. The faint smell of insecticide dey for corridor, generator hum dey mix with far okada clatter from street. Still, the house just dey somehow.

For 2019, she and her new husband, James, just collect key to their new house. New house, new beginnings. Dem still dey shine teeth, dey happy say finally dem fit get place wey dem go call their own. Even the estate agent dey hail them, dey pray make dem enjoy the house, say na one of the best for that axis. Na blessing dem think say dem collect.

The house dey for one cliff for the outskirts of Ikoyi. E far small, but everywhere quiet, security tight. If you know Ikoyi, you go know say all those cliff-side houses dey special. Gated compound, tall fence, CCTV for entrance, even security man dey press intercom before person fit enter. Na big man territory, and the way police dey patrol that area, you go think say governor dey inside. Even delivery people dey behave well when dem reach there.

But not long after dem move in, Campbell begin feel say… e be like another person dey hide inside the house. For Naija, sometimes when place too quiet, body go just dey do you one kain. Campbell begin get that kind "I dey watch you, you no dey see me" feeling. You know that kind way wey your skin go just prick as if cold dey pass your bone. She dey ask herself whether na her mind dey play trick on her, but e get as e be. The smell of insecticide still dey, generator hum from the next compound, but this one different.

For obodo oyibo, dem even get name for this kind thing: phrogging. E mean say stranger go dey live for your house, you no go know. Na wa for oyibo people sef, dem sabi give name to everything. But for Naija, we go just say "spirit dey", or person dey use you do experiment. This phrogging na wahala wey even pass normal thief, because na your own house e dey happen. E get as person go hear this kind name, e go laugh first, but the wahala real die.

Campbell no too believe for ghost or juju, but strange things begin happen one after another. She be modern woman, no too send all those old mama tales. But Naija get as e be—sometimes, e go reach level wey you go begin suspect village people. Even if na small, e go enter your mind. Na so all those strange things begin dey pile up, small small.

The first time wey she notice say something dey wrong na one evening for September. September sun don already begin set quick, so everywhere for the house just dey dim. Campbell dey try settle inside her new life, dey arrange things, dey think say na normal move-in stress.

She dey go store go arrange some things. Dem never unpack finish since dem just move in three days ago, so plenty load still dey inside carton, just dey stack anyhow for store. The store get that smell of fresh paint, mixed with new carton and nylon. Some boxes still dey where movers drop am, some children toy dey stick out from corner. She just dey tell herself say before weekend reach, everywhere go neat. Generator hum dey low for distance, but inside, e dey too quiet.

Dem plan say dem go arrange am small small. James sef na man wey believe say everything get time. Dem no dey rush unpack, make dem first enjoy the new house before dem stress too much.

But as Campbell open the store door, na so she just shout:

"Wetin be this…"

Her voice echo for corridor, make one of the housekeeper wey dey sweep parlour drop broom, dey run come. The way she shout, you go think say she see snake. All the big carton dem wey dem tape well, person don open am. Everything wey dey inside scatter for everywhere—everywhere just rough…

She see shoe dey one side, children book scatter, some pillow even dey ground. The tapes for box just tear anyhow, as if person use blade or strong hand open am. For her mind, e no get how breeze fit do this one.

The first thing wey enter Campbell mind na:

"Person don break enter!"

For Lagos, once you see scatter scatter, na thief your mind go first go. Campbell blood just run cold, fear grab her as she imagine armed robber or agbero jump fence. Her hand begin shake, phone nearly fall as she dey dial. She whisper, "God abeg, cover me and my house." She remember her mama warning: 'Never trust house wey too quiet.'

She run inside sharp sharp, call her husband. She no even send the housekeeper again. Phone just fly for her hand, she dey dial James anyhow, voice dey shake. "James! Come! Come now, abeg!"

As James see the wahala, confusion catch am too. "I never touch those boxes o," na so he talk. James wear that his neat white singlet, just dey look everywhere like person wey no sure if na prank. He dey try remember whether e fit be say movers dey come back. But na lie.

James na Navy officer wey dey serve for Nigerian Navy. Compared to how his wife dey panic, the guy just calm. You know Navy men—dem get that cold face, nothing dey shake dem. James chest dey out, voice steady. But inside, e dey reason plenty things.

He just dey reason, waka round the store, then talk, "E fit no be thief o."

He use Navy style to dey analyze the scene. E check ground, dey look for footprints or anything wey no make sense. His mind dey work fast, but e no want cause panic.

"How you take know?" Campbell ask, voice low.

James bend, dey scan the floor like CID. He carry one wristwatch from ground. "See this Omega wristwatch wey my papa give me. E cost reach millions. If na thief, why dem no carry am go?"

The wristwatch na family treasure. James handle am like egg, show Campbell the way am dey ground, untouched. For Lagos, thief no dey leave gold behind.

Campbell nod. She see say some jewelry box dey ground, but all the gold and silver still dey inside. She even check her wedding ring wey she keep for one small trinket case. Everything still dey as dem pack am. Her mind begin dey wonder if na something else cause the wahala.

True true, after dem check everything, nothing lost. Dem search carton, count jewelry, even small change dem keep for envelope—nothing miss. Only scatter scatter full everywhere.

Then James point the things wey scatter. "See ehn… e be like say dem just arrange the things for ground, no be anyhow."

He squat, point the way pillow, box and shoe form rough shape for ground. E dey orderly, no be pure madness. He waka go show am. "See as e be, e resemble circle."

He use hand to draw the line, show say dem arrange shoe, pillow, old cloth around like say dem dey do meeting for ground.

Campbell look well. Na true. She stare, heart dey beat. E really resemble those pattern wey dem dey use for ritual film. No be accident.

If no be thief, who come do am? Na so her mind begin flash through everybody wey get key—cleaner, housekeeper, security, even former tenant. She dey calculate who fit get mind enter and do this kind thing. She look the way dem arrange the things, fear catch am—e remind her of those Nollywood film wey people dey do ritual to call evil spirit…

Na so her mind begin dey fly, remember all those films wey Patience Ozokwor go dey arrange red cloth and calabash. She rub chest, dey pray say make e no be say dem dey do jazz for her. She just dey feel somehow. Na that kind feeling wey dey make you wan call your pastor, but you no want make people laugh you.

Suddenly, one idea flash her mind. She pause, then talk, "E fit be…"

She get that look of person wey just remember something wey fit make sense, but fear dey hold her mouth.

James notice say she dey hesitate, he come push her to talk wetin dey her mind. James put hand for her shoulder, voice soft: "Talk, my dear. Wetin you dey think?"

After small time, Campbell talk, "E fit be say na the children dey play? Sorry… na just guess."

She no want make James vex or think say she dey accuse the boys. E no too sure her own self, but na only way her mind fit process the scatter.

She no too sure because the two children no be her own. She dey try blend into stepmother role, so she dey always try careful with the boys. Make e no be like say she dey complain too much.

Na blend family dem be. For Naija, that blend family own dey always get as e be. Everybody dey try adjust, everybody dey form one family. E dey sweet sometimes, e dey hard other times.

Campbell and James na secondary school lovers before, but dem break up. Years later, after both of them marriage spoil, na so dem meet again. Their story na real Naija film. Secondary school love wey life scatter, each person marry another, then destiny carry them meet again. Village people no win that round.

Now, the two children wey dey stay with dem na James’s sons from the first wife—the elder one na twelve, the small one na six. Two boys, different character. The older one sharp, always dey ask question. The small one like toy, like to dey shout up and down. Campbell dey try find her own way to dey close to them.

Children that age sabi do mischief well. Na so dem dey behave for house, sometimes go scatter pillow, sometimes go hide shoe. For Naija, you go hear “leave dem, na children dem be.”

Dem call the boys come, ask dem. Both of them swear say no be dem. James bark, "You sure say na no be you?" Campbell add, "My dear, just talk true, nothing go happen." The two boys swear by “almighty God,” even say make thunder fire them if dem dey lie. For Naija pikin, na serious oath be that. The small one even hold Campbell wrapper tight, eye wide like torchlight, fear full body.

But James no believe. For him mind, na only the boys fit do am. He dey look their eye, dey try catch lie. In his mind, children always get hand for any wahala wey dey house.

As Navy man wey get sense, he no dey believe for ghost, and he no feel say all those film things dey happen for real life. His military brain no fit process jazz or spirit. E believe say human beings dey behind everything, and e go find the answer.

But Campbell believe say the boys no dey lie. She dey look their face, see say their fear na real. She dey remember how dem dey run come hug her for night when dem dream bad dream. No be them. One pick fingernails, the other hide face behind Campbell’s arm. She no wan cause wahala, so she just decide to watch how things go be.

For blend family, you no go like overreact, especially for something wey no sure. So she just keep eye, dey watch.

But as she dey wait, another strange thing happen…

You know as dem dey talk: when one wahala close, another dey open. Na so e be.