Chapter 1: Rain Blocked Me for Her House

Recently, one woman hire me to dey tutor her daughter, but anytime I waka enter, her eye go just dey follow me like say na me be last meat for pot. I fit swear say she don dey fancy me.

The way her eyes dey linger on me, e no be ordinary. You know that kind look wey person dey use weigh market tomato before she price am? Na so she dey size me up—sometimes e dey even make me adjust my shirt or smooth my hair, just dey form sharp guy. And for our side, once woman eye dey shine for you, even pikin for compound go sabi.

Her parlour dey smell of fried plantain and Dettol, just like most proper Naija mamas dem. That day, I reach their place for our normal time. After I help her daughter solve one assignment, the woman twist her waist waka comot from the bedroom—the way she dey move get one kain attraction wey I no fit explain.

Omo, her movement be like say she dey parade for Calabar carnival—her wrapper tight small, and as she bend down pick remote, even breeze dey respect her body. Na that kind waka wey go make man forget say im come do work.

To be honest, the first day I see her, I shock. Even though she don enter her thirties, her beauty still dey sharp and her body set well. Wetin surprise me pass be say she even win local women’s wrestling championship before for Palm Grove Estate.

You for see the way people dey hail her that year—dem go shout, “Queen Bulldozer, finish am!” as she dey pin men down for ground. E shock me that time because no be everyday you go see woman wey fit pin down any man wey try misbehave for street.

But she get small limp sha. If you no look well, you no go notice am, but when Lagos rain dey fall, she go waka slow, dey rub her knee small like say e dey pain. I dey wonder if na that one make her husband leave her—since then, she never marry again. For compound, dem dey call her Mama Zino who never remarried.

But the way she dey waka, e still get confidence, even with the small limp. Some days, if rain wan fall, you go see her squeeze face, but she no dey let am slow her down. People for area dey always yarn gist say her husband waka go Port Harcourt chase business, but dem sabi the truth—he no come back.

After we meet like two or three times, she begin dey treat me extra nice. She even play talk say I dey look strong. Even if person dull, dem go sabi wetin she dey try talk.

Sometimes she go say, "You no dey chop at all? See as your arm dey show muscle." If na better pikin, you go just blush, but me, I just dey laugh, dey enjoy the play. Na the kind teasing wey make young boy dey feel like local champion.

Me, I no even mind the limp at all. With the way she fine and her body set, who go mind? But I no gree rush. No be say I dey shy, but I gats wait for correct opportunity—if I rush, e fit spoil.

Na so my guy for hostel fall hand—dem catch am with landlady, next thing, landlord pursue am comot. Me, I dey reason things well. Na patience dey bring better soup.

That very day, after one hour thirty minutes of lesson, heavy thunderstorm just start. Rain begin fall like say e no wan stop, wind dey blow anyhow. By ten o’clock for night, rain still dey pour.

Thunder dey fire, window dey shake. Even generator people no fit on gen for this kind weather. Na only the blink-blink rechargeable lantern dey light parlour. You for see as everywhere just cold, e be like say spirit dey waka.

I quick cross myself three times—Naija style—just in case spirit dey waka. E clear say I no fit go house. Outside, I just dey form say I dey worry, but inside my mind, I dey happy. I know say my chance don land.

As I dey watch the rain, I dey remember the old tale dem dey tell for our village—say if rain block you for woman house, na sign. But who get time for old tale, when body dey ginger?