Chapter 5: Girls’ House, Boys’ Wahala

After work, people start dey come back one by one.

The compound dey come alive as sun dey go down. Generator hum dey mix with radio sound from neighbor flat. Na so this Lagos dey run.

Temi just greet everybody gently, no talk say man don join house.

She just dey move gently, as if she no wan cause alarm. You go think say I be ghost. The way she take hide news, e get as e be.

"Who hang this curtain here?"

Before she finish, one girl just waka enter—her cloth na just wrapper wey no reach knee—like person wey dey hurry go fetch water for backyard.

I shock. For my village, this one na taboo. But for Lagos, e no too strange. My eye nearly fall.

How naked? If you don see girls’ hostel for UNN, or at least you don go beach see bikini, you go sabi.

Her cloth na just handkerchief. I sharply look away, dey pray say I no offend God.

"Chai."

I quickly turn face, squeeze eye shut.

My heart dey race. E be like say I enter wrong place.

"Ahhhh!" The girl scream so till voice crack.

Na so footsteps rush come. Two seconds silence, then another round of "ahhhh!"

The wahala don set. I dey expect slap or hot water.

Omo, you don ever see agouti before? Na so I feel—like animal dey surround me dey shout.

If you see the way dem gather, you go fear. I just dey try hide for behind curtain. Shame dey catch me.

I come dey wonder: this my move enter house of fine babes, no be wahala I carry come so?

My mind dey reason say maybe na spiritual attack I bring for myself. But I just bone face, dey act innocent.

With this hot weather—almost thirty degrees—dem suppose dey relax with small cloth, dey enjoy fan. Now wey man dey, dem go dey cover body well.

E pain me small. Dem suppose dey free, now I don spoil their groove. E no easy to be only man for house of women.

But the agent no lie—the people here get sense. When dem know say na me be new roommate, nobody show bad face.

The girls just laugh am off, make the matter soft. Nobody carry my matter for head, dem just act as if na normal thing.

"New person? Make we chop together tonight!"

The girl wey talk wear small makeup, shorts, tank top, leg white, small feet for pink slippers—cute die.

Her smile dey shine, even her toe nail paint dey match her slippers. Some girls sabi package.

No be say I dey reason bad thing—I just dey look down. I be small boy na, first time to dey near plenty babes like this.

My hand dey shake, my voice dey hide. For my life, I never chop with many women before.

The closest I don reach woman before na when I be six and nurse give me injection for yansh.

That injection pain reach bone. Since that day, I dey fear anything wey concern woman and hospital.

I no even know how to behave or where to look.

Dem dey talk, dey play, but me I just dey form statue. I dey pray make ground open swallow me.

"See as this small bro dey shy."

Another voice join, playful. I no even know who.

She chuckle, her voice get melody. "You dey form hard guy, but your eye don tell us everything."

"Who never chop? Make I order food."

"I want malt!"

"I still get half watermelon for my room."

Na only for girls’ house you go hear this kind thing. Me, I dey reason if I fit survive with only fruit.

"No order malt—make we drink!"

"I get palm wine."

"I get beer."

Na party mood dem dey enter. For my village, if girls dey like this, na suitor dem dey expect.

...

Before my face cool, the sisters don set table dey wait me.

Dem dey package food, arrange bottle, laugh loud. Na so I dey watch as dem carry on like say na family.

Na the smell of grilled chicken, fried rice and pepper sauce first hit my nose—my belle dance like masquerade. Some dey sip Maltina, others dey share small bottle of palm wine.

"Come chop, why you dey shy?"

Na Morayo call me. Her smile dey gentle, like big sister.

That time, only one thing dey my mind: I don die finish.

My leg dey heavy, but I no wan disappoint dem. I go siddon, dey act like person wey get sense.

Even that pastor for children’s story stay for cave with seven women for long—how I wan survive?

I dey wonder if I fit turn Daniel for lions’ den. Na only God fit save me for this place.

"God abeg, no allow me disgrace for this house," I whisper inside my mind.