Chapter 1:

If you never hear my name for Twitter, you never dey online.

I dey popular for my shameless flirting for Naija showbiz.

Dem dey talk say I too get mouth, my body set well, but na my voice dey cause real wahala. My voice dey flow like honey for akamu—sweet die, but e fit choke person wey no ready. Every time I open mouth, my name go just dey fly up and down for internet, as dem dey drag me left and right like gala for Oshodi traffic—everybody dey drag, nobody wan pay full price.

"Abeg, close mouth! You no dey tire to dey talk like say dem dey press your throat? 😂😂" one person go type, fingers dey tap keyboard like dem dey tap generator for compound.

Another one go add: "Stop that forming. With this your fine face, why you dey use baby voice? I swear, I don switch from fan to anti now-now. 🚩"

Sometimes, e be like say if dem see me for real, dem go even wan pour cold water for my head. I don dey chop dragging online for one full year, but make I talk true—I no get strong mind reach to reply anybody. I just dey look dem, dey swallow my pain like cold eba. The kind cold wey dey make your teeth dey shake.

Then one day for one big TV show, person just point my nose, call me shameless for front of everybody, as if say na my crime big pass.

I try hold my face strong, but my eye just dey water, my chest dey tight. I no fit pretend again. I just grab the movie king wey sit down beside me, break down, begin cry like small pikin, nose running, face squeezed. My body just dey shake as I sob.

"Wuwuwu, I talk am say I no dey form, I swear, I no dey form..."

Everybody shock, even the usually wicked-mouth movie king just mellow. Him ear red, e no even sabi wetin to do, e just dey pat my head anyhow, like say e dey pet small pikin wey break plate for kitchen.

People wey dey wait for gbas gbos online just freeze like NEPA take light for stadium—everybody shock.

"Wait, she no dey form? Abi her cry na acting too?"

Another person: "Guy, wetin happen? Why you dey blush? Oya now, call her out! Why you dey behave like mumu?"

"LOL, gist dey spread: the king of savage clapbacks don lose him power. Her voice don melt him bone finish. Everybody just dey look."